


My Blue Heaven

by lemonomin



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Blood, Slow Burn, happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-06 02:02:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21218735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonomin/pseuds/lemonomin
Summary: A 17 year old highschooler Lee Jeno had seen something he shouldn’t have.For all his life, Jeno believes the sky Jaemin had never heard of.





	My Blue Heaven

White flakes falls delicately from the cloudy skies down to the tall trees, the green leaves now covered in a white layer of snow. The cold, brisk air blows around the city of Seoul. It usually doesn't snow in early in December, and he doubts it's going to last long. The coldness urges him to walk faster on the watery road and he shakes the snow flakes off his hair, shrugging it off his backpack, brushing away the white crisps that drenched on his black uniform coat.  


Stopping by a bakery with a golden brown painted roof, sandwiched between two tall houses of blue paints that contrast its color that's oddly satisfying to look at. He peered through the glass window before entering the store, the smell of chocolate and cinnamon welcomes him, the scent alone makes him starved. "Let me guess, chocolate apple pie? Smells good."  


The old woman smiled dearly at him, crinkled eyes turning into crescents. "You guessed it right again, Lee Jeno."  


"Ah, you remembered my name! I'll have one, then!" Jeno beams at her and walks to lean on the glass counter, eyeing the delectable types of bread in the display. The woman emerges from the staff room, holding out a paper bag and hands his order to him forthwith. "And I'll have hot chocolate too, please."  


"You like sweets so much."  


Jeno took the cup from her and pays, bowing as he makes his way out. "I'll come back tomorrow."  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
The ghastly cold wind that blows to his face starts to feel unpleasant and he hurried to cross the street, heading over to his direction. He passed through a pavement of tall post lights, counting each of them until he reached to the front of his apartment. "23". Jeno whispers, lips trembling from the chilling air. Seeing the two elevators were occupied, he climbs up the staircase to the third floor and greets everyone he recognizes that passes by him.

  
The five story building has a rustic atmosphere, apart from the polished wood floors, framed windows and front doors painted in black, the walls and the ceilings are neatly colored in plain gray. The most attractive quality of the building is the quiet ambience, making it a perfect place to read. Jeno smiles at the thought of the to-do list he wrote last night that he could begin starting tomorrow for the Holiday break. Contrary to what he expected, the last year of high school isn't bustled in activities, in fact he had a lot of time to study for the college entrace exams he'll be taking for next year.  


His room is the fifth one located at the end of the hallway, and passing through the third door, he hears the clattering sounds of what could be moving furnitures. Someone moved in today, he thought. The door of the dimly lit room is slightly opened, but the gurgling noise of someone..... drowning? And curiosity led him to peer inside. A biggest mistake, he figured, and the worse has yet to come. His eyes grew larger seeing an unclothed man lying on the floor. The small light that comes from the window allows him to see the splutters of blood across the huge body splayed across the floor. Jeno's heart started hammering right out of his chest. There were movements of what Jeno supposes another man inside the room that holds a knife, and all he could hear is his pulse beating on his ears.

Fear envelopes his skin and he clasp his hand on his mouth to stop the gasp that escaped his lips to make his presence unknown, yet his eyes couldn't leave the man in black standing across the room. Blood drains from his face when he notice the man leaned down, raising his hand up only to fall down and stab the body that Jeno figures was already dead.  


Willing his petrified body to move, Jeno stepped back from the door. Holding his breath to avoid making any sounds. Dread crept up from the pit of his stomach, and slowly, quietly, Jeno walks forth and steps into his own room. He stumbles on his step, reaching blindly on the wall for the switch to turn the lights on. Hands never leaving the knob of the door to lock it, but he failed. 

"Oh my god." Jeno mutters almost inaudibly. A cold wave encages him and the hair at the back of his neck starts to rise. Breathless, Jeno waddled away from the door when it opened, his backpack and the paper bag he's holding dropping in the process, shaking, and cold tears streamed down his face when the door swung open revealing the man in black that stepped inside.  


A fitting black jeans, black shoes and black baggy hoodie that covers his head. Face couldn't be seen from the black mask he's wearing that covers his mouth and nose, and bangs swept down that covers most of his eyes. The appearance wasn't anything Jeno expected, yet it didn't stop the shivers from running down his spine when he sees the knife covered in blood the man was holding.  


"P---please." He murmurs, feeling the lump on his throat. God, don't allow this. He collapses on the hard floor, nails digging into flesh of his palms. Jeno didn't have time to push himself up from the ground and run away, because the man is already hauling him up. Grabbing Jeno's one arm and twisting it into his back, and he was pulled to the man's chest. With the man's other hand aiming the point of the knife to his neck.  


"You saw my face, didn't you?" The man asked in soft-spoken voice, that Jeno wouldn't believe it was coming from someone who just murdered.  


God, please.  


"I---I didn't. I swear." Jeno replies, lips trembling. There's a stinging pain from his neck that Jeno assumes the knife cutting his skin every time he speaks. "I promise, I'm not---going to tell anyone. I'll leave this place... this country. Just please, don't kill me."  


"Why should I believe that?"  


The man replies, voice suppressed by the mask, tightening his grip on Jeno's back and the knife on his neck cutting deeper. His teeth chattered in fear when he felt blood running down his collar. Jeno closed his eyes, mind wavering to anywhere but his dead end---- and he sees the image of his mother in the kitchen, his dad is at the table reading a newspaper. He heard the laughter of his friends echoing to his ears---of the lame jokes that wasn't even funny to begin with, and his three cats: Bongsik, Nal and Seol playfully playing the laces of his shoes. Maybe this is what happens when your life flashes before your eyes. It wasn't euphoric, but rather a dystopia of regrets. Jeno wishes he could’ve been a better son, passing a scholarship to the college he desires and getting a credential. He wishes he was a better friend, someone who can be there for everyone if they need him. Or a better owner for his cats that could keep an eye on them all time, if only he didn't have to attend school.  


Jeno was pulled out of his trance when he felt the man dragging him to the bathroom--to his dead end, shoving his face against the wall. Funny because earlier today, he just cleaned this place before coming to school. Yet after this, it'll be be strewed in his own blood and body. It's like he cleaned it for this very purpose--- at the very least he didn't have to clean it anymore. He wonders how long would he have to stay here. How long until the policemen, or worse, his parents or friends would find his lifeless body. For whatever comings next, he closes his eyes, trying to waver his mind elsewhere than this slow torture but fails miserably. He wonders if it will be painful to have knife penetrating through his flesh, spouting all the blood out of his life.  


The knife aimed at his neck retracted for a second, and the bleak cold hand now covers Jeno's mouth. His stomach churns at the rusty taste of blood, disconsolated and the thought of it belonging from the murdered man on the next room. He could take physical torture, but not a repulsive torment like this. He reluctantly wiggled from the man, making strangled noises and Jeno awaits the final blow when the devil shall finally impale his death on him. Hearing even the slightest sound of what could be ringtone made him jolt, and suddenly he felt his body freed from the grasp. Ever so quickly, Jeno ignored the aching of his twisted hand, reaching up to wipe the disgusting sleek of liquid off his mouth.  


Not only afraid, but highly repulsed.  


"Yeah, it's been taken care of."  


Hesitantly, he peeks through the mirror watching the man who's back turned on him, a phone in hand to his ears. Taken care of? Jeno incredulously gasped, but not loud enough that the man didn't hear. He raises his head a bit more, wanting to have a complete look on his face when the man spoke to his phone again. "No, no. It's just..this flat is packed. People will find him sooner if we don't clean up. Yeah, third floor, third room."  


Jeno looks further and found the bloody knife on top of the sink, and he plots his escape. Seeing the man was still occupied with his call, Jeno wonders if he can actually flee, but will be impossible to sprint fast with his wobbly legs. It's a hopeless case, he realizes when he catches the man glancing at his direction and he quickly looks down on the white tiles, hanging his head low. Before long, he noticed the bump on his pants pocket, his phone. He can send a quick emergency call to the police station. Though Jeno is probably dead by the time they arrived, but at the very least, he didn't have to rot and his body didn't have to feed the rats, a slight justice to consider.

  
Carefully, he slips his hand inside his pocket and before he can even pull it out, the man spoke to him. "Hey, do you have alcoh---" Jeno shivers and pulled back instantly, facing him, he could've sworn his heart jumped out of his chest when the man pointed a gun to his forehead. "Don't push your fucking luck too much."

  
Jeno is speechless, seeing the man standing right in front of him. His mask was took off, exposing his face completely. His brown hair falling his face, his eyes were big and slanted on the ends, with nose prominently pointed and tall. His lips is the shape of a heart and his brows are remarkably thick. He looks nothing like Jeno expected. Angels do have their wicked schemes, indeed. This man is no older than twenty years old, Jeno supposes. That which explains the sound of his youth voice.  


Jeno starts to sweat, watching the stained fingers of the man playing with the trigger that’s pointed at his head. He looks through the man's eyes, but it only made him cocked his gun, the barrel pressing harder against his forehead. He couldn't breathe anymore, lungs tightening with every passing second and Jeno swore he would pass out sooner if this continous any longer. A mewl escaped Jeno's lips when the man's free hand reach down to his pocket, pulling out his phone. He watches with teary eyes as the man hunched over the screen.

  
"Password." The man demands, fingers tapping rapidly on the screen.

  
"Z....ero." Jeno's voice croaked, and the man looked at him with the most calm expression he'd ever seen of him, despite killing someone and cornering another candidate victim. The man probably saw what effects the gun has on Jeno, so he pulled it down and Jeno swore he smirked a little. "Zero four twenty-four."

  
Frowning his brows a little, Jeno assumes the man is already skimming through the contents of his phone judging by his quirked brows and how quick he's swiping on the screen. Guess there’s no privacy when you’re dying.  


"Oh, a girlfriend?"

Biting his trembling lip, Jeno doesn't think he needed to answer the question. It was a bad idea to look to his right where a huge mirror is stationed on the wall. He sees himself, paralyzed, pail and collar of his white dress shirt is clad with his own blood along with the blood of a dead man. Jeno swore only a little of sanity is left, and he's just trying his best not to piss on his pants for it might provoke the killer to dispatch of him sooner. As long as he's alive, there is hope.  


"Lee Jeno, huh." The man spoke again, keeping Jeno's phone on his back pocket. His eyes roam all over the student, observing him from head to toe. "Can you wash your neck and change?"  


Vehemently, Jeno nods, anything that would seem to extend his life and he'll do it. It's obvious why he would request for Jeno to change. So he wouldn't make the mistake of the mixed blood of the man and Jeno's own on his shirt, so when he's dead, nothing will come out of the autopsy that both crimes are connected. He waits for the man to finish washing his hands, still frozen at his place. It's only when the man walks out the door was Jeno able to breathe, desperate for air.

"Be quick."  


He heard it, and so he does. Jeno shudders when he took off his coat, folding it with trembling hands. The tears threatening to fall from his eyes doesn't allow him to see clearly, and Jeno washes his face. Taking off his dress shirt to wipe his blood stained chest. There was no pain anymore, and it's fear overtaking all of Jeno's body now when he hears footsteps nearing the room. 

"Gather up that mess and put them in your bag." The man instructs and Jeno bites the question of what he meant by that, assuming he's talking about the uniform. He does as told.  


Just as Jeno is about to come out, clutching the clothes on his chest, the man threw a black fabric at him, shoving his backpack on his chest. A jacket that he hanged on his coat rack yesterday.  


"Wear this.”  
  


  
Jeno doesn't know where they're going, but the man is following behind him, literally. One hand sandwiched between his back and the backpack, and Jeno is certain it was the gun pointed on his spine. The man covers his face with the mask again, and his hair with the hoodie when he nudges Jeno to step outside.  


There's a slight hope when they got out of the apartment's foyer and Jeno supposes he's going to die anyway, so why not expose the killer for the needed justice. Seeing the amount of people on the street that could hear his call, and just as Jeno exhales to prepare for the shout of mercy of his life, the man leaned in to his ears and whispers, "By the way, I already got your family address. Don't think about doing anything stupid."  


It's when Jeno rendered his life to his demon, and he didn't say anything too when they ride a car to God knows where.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
The gun scaring shuts off, and Jeno finds himself being dragged on a fancy building that he know a normal person like him wouldn't be able to afford, the guy that's holding him presumably isn't normal . The entrance hall was jammed by the crews clad in red uniforms. The man grabbed him on the wrist, dragging him all over and Jeno couldn't find his footing, surprised, no, terrified at the sudden friendly expression the man is sending to the female staffs that greets him.

  
What the fuck do you even know he just killed a man and he's going to kill me too, Jeno cusses under his breath. Jeno muffled his mouth with his hands before he whimpered when the man shoved him inside the elevator, careful to not make any noise. Floor fifteenth. He watches the man clicks to the buttons. All Jeno wishes is that his body can still be found sooner in case he dies on an unfamiliar place.  


He sets his foot inside a huge sized condominium. The first thing he noticed were the high quality furnishings situated everywhere in the unit. Next were the majestic chandelier hanging above the white painted ceilings. The place was accomodated with one too many doors and Jeno wonders how many people were there inside each of them, dead or alive. There was a huge television facing a gray plaid settee where the man plumped down groaning and turning the remote control.

"Why are you doing this?" Jeno dares to ask. If he's going to die anyway, at the very least he didn't die clueless. There must be a reason why he's pulled here, too.

  
"Well the pay is quite charming, so." The man yawned, stretching his arms out in the process. From there, he spots the forgotten faint stain of blood at the ends of his sleeves. Hurriedly taking it off and tossing it the middle of the living room. "Death is beautiful."

  
Ignoring the last part, he supposes it's just a man's way to speak in order to look tough. Jeno watches from the side as the man's face turned in horror, noticing the white shirt he's wearing underneath is stained too. "What the. Hey, stay here. Don't make any move." He gestures Jeno to sit on the settee, and he complied with quivering legs. Because no matter how much self encouragement he shoves in his throat---it'll be okay and he knows in the end——Jeno will still end up a feeble corpse anyway.  


The man emerges from one room, and he sits on the other side of the couch distant from Jeno, switching to another channel. Despite the entrancing legs of Girl's Day performing on the huge screen, Jeno couldn't take his eyes off of the man, completely terrorized.

  
"What...do you need money for?" Jeno asked again. Expecting he'd gain a reasonable and dramatic rationale that he sees on movies: like about a boy from a poor family and his sickly mother needed financial support for medical assistance, somewhere along those lines that evokes him to becoming a killer. There was no answer, and Jeno ask again. "What's your name?"  


"Na Jaemin."  


To distract himself from the predictable, he asks again, "How old are you?", stammering.

  
"Twenty two. Are you a high school somewhere?"  


Jeno nodded. In deep wonder for how long he can keep a natural conversation with a killer and if it could keep him alive as well. But Jaemin's demeanor invokes discomfort, making it impossible for him to engage them in a casual talk. Jeno finds himself biting at his lower lip, and he clasp his trembling hands together.

  
"Are you like fifteen or what." There's a tinge of laughter by the way Jaemin snorts when he noticed Jeno’s clasped hands, shaking his head. A common behavior he encountered many times, all the same, as though Jeno's trepidation of him is something to laugh off.  


"I'm 19." Jeno answers, but immediately regrets it when Jaemin raised a brow at him, a suspicious frown on his face. "17." He admits, looking away.  


It's unsettling by way Jaemin keeps on switching through the channels, like none of the T.V shows satisfy him. Aggressively running his hand through his hair, as if he's on the brink of throwing the remote controller any time soon that will most likely land on Jeno's face.  


"Are...you gonna kill me here?" Jeno questions, opting to settle it sooner in case he dies of heart attack without Jaemin even lifting a finger

  
"Eager to die, are we?" Jaemin was quick to answer, finally deciding to turn off the big screen. He ogles at Jeno's neck and leans in closer, making Jeno gasp in terror. "That's a deep cut, isn't it?"

  
Upon realizing what he's pertaining to, Jeno reaches to touch the cut on his neck and winces at the burn even just from the small pressure. Wearily, he rubs off the dried patch of blood on his fingers, wishing it would go away. A constant panic sits on Jeno's chest, forbidding him to think clearly being stuck in such a devastating situation. Despite the hopeless status, Jeno still wishes that someone will come to his rescue and free him from this endless agony.  


God, can you hear?  


Cold tears gather up on the corner of his eyes that he attempts to hold back, yet fails so. As much as Jeno doesn't want to cry, because it will only serve as another passage for Jaemin down to his weaknesses, because Jaemin's presence alone is a formidable prospect he'd ever encountered. Jeno blames his curiosity, the human nature's desire to discover, that puts him into this incurable state. He could've just get through his inquisitiveness and passed by the slightly opened door, ignore the clattering and the gurgling noise, and go straight to his room to shower and eat, and he wouldn't have to witness hell and be held hostage by a killer. Jeno is at fault, but he couldn't completely blame himself, when no amount of reasoning could redeem Jaemin for being responsible to it all.  


Jeno did nothing when his tears fell down, not holding back the sobs that escape his lips. Knowing fully well that it wouldn't make him any more pathetic in Jaemin's eyes, and none of this could stop the tremor Jaemin could regard him any moment. Jeno hears something he didn't understand, and the next thing he sees was darkness.  
  
  


  
The cold envelopes his skin, causing his whole body to hurt at a single movement. He feels the hard surface below him and Jeno tries to open his eyes, yet sees nothing from the covering that's tied around his head. Jolting his head repeatedly, Jeno uses the surface for friction to remove the covering on his eyes that disentangled in an instant, arms crippled from intolerable pain, as though they were tied but with a rope missing. He squints at the luminance of his surroundings, white walls and bright light from the ceiling glistered to his sight.

  
He willed his quivering legs to get up, arms aching when he used them for balance. His eyes wander around the white room, and guesses he's just somewhere in one for the rooms inside Jaemin's unit. All he can remember was when Jaemin leaned in to him, and cover his mouth with something suffocating the he passed out. Jeno doesn't know how long he'd been inside the spacious room, and he didn't have to check the door to know that it's locked. He staggers to the door, leaning in to his ears. For a long while, he listens, but not a single noise could be heard outside. Though it could just be from the largeness of the place, and it's not safe to assume that he's alone.  


Alert not to make any noise, Jeno dashes to the window, heart skipping a bit when the roller creates a small sound. Jeno could only hope, when he sees the outside through the window glass, tall buildings and cars moving from below. It would be impossible to shout for help from the distance. Jeno shakes in jitters when he slid the window open, his lungs taking in the fresh air from the outside. It was bright outside, and probably in the middle of the afternoon. He wouldn't be able to make it out alive jumping from a fifteenth floor, so he peeks his head out to study the building, seeking for anything he could use for leverage. Below was a balcony, and if Jeno is lucky, he could step on the convexed stone designed on the wall to crawl down. It would be too risky, but he'd rather die from a fall than in the hands of a demon. That, if he wasn't so afraid to die.

  
Just then heard a loud bang. Jeno swore he saw the bullet passing so close to his face that it stings. He didn't have enough time to process it when strong hands pushed him back against the wall, knocking the breath out of his lungs and Jeno's sight darkens when he sees a blood dripping down to his chest and to Jaemin's hands on his shirt. Jeno pants, legs trembling when he looks up to see the excruciating stare Jaemin has on him.  


Jaemin shoves him again, kneeding him on the stomach that had Jeno writhing in pain and he clutches at his stomach. But Jaemin didn't let him, grabbing him on the shirt once more to pull him up. Though in pain, Jeno didn't missed the wince on Jaemin's face when he dragged Jeno out of the room. And Jeno knows it was the end, squirming from his touch and begs for him to be released. "Please! Don't kill me! Please!" Jeno pleads, stumbling before him but Jaemin's strong hands kept him up.

  
It hurts all over, and Jeno chokes when Jaemin snagged him on the collar, tightening his hold as he watches Jeno with a harrowing stare. There wasn't a tinge of conscience in his eyes as he continues to torture Jeno, not a slight pity that could permit him to heaven, as though it was a staring game to a painting of a heartless creature that everyone fears. It's obvious that no amount of pleading would be enough to stop the hell Jaemin will unleash on him.

  
Jaemin tossed him on the side, making his back hit a hard wall and he falls on a desk. A flower vase collides to the ground and Jeno breaks with it. A numbing pain shoots to his whole body, and Jeno flinched in horror when he sees the pool of blood on his hands.

  
It didn't take long when Jaemin grabs the back of his hair, making him stand up and drags him again to wherever Jeno assumed is death. Jaemin is going to hell for all this, and Jeno could only serve as one of his pieces that should lead him there. Jeno was shoved to another room and stumbled to his back, with Jaemin locking the door to his face. He's alone again. It's a push and pull with the devil, but Jeno knows he's only leading to one fate, to die.  


Anger stirs to his stomach, a sinful feeling---a mistake, but it was bound to be felt and Jeno swore he wouldn't give in while he's alive. His family is waiting for him at home, for Christmas eve's dinner where they would exchange gifts and eat together. If he give up now, then he wouldn't be able to embrace them, and that's not what Jeno wanted.  


The smell of fragrance makes him look around, and Jeno didn't properly managed to get up and sprints to the shower hurriedly. Not minding the pain that hits his skin as he washes the blood off his body. When it became too cold, Jeno dives to the hot tub. Shuddering at the warmth that sends shivers straight to his bones. He looks down to see his reflection on the water, a long stripe of blood on his cheek that could only be from the blow of the gunshot. His hands raised up to trace it, and wonders if Jaemin had intend to kill him, or if he just got lucky.

  
He looks at the cuts on his palms, blood still flowing from the red and small slits. Perhaps the wounds would hurt on other occassion, but this time, all Jeno could think of is to live. If he managed to survive and escape, that way, even if revenge is a forbidden wish, he can get Jaemin to pay for everything.  


Warm clothing was prepared and folded neatly on the counter right beside the sink. It was a white shirt, underwear and black pants Jeno assumes belong to Jaemin cos they're pretty much the same size except Jaemin is a bit taller. He dries his hair with a towel, carefully damping the wound on his face with a cotton swap and alcohol he finds on the drawers. Jeno tries to look at the brighter prospect, if Jaemin had really intend to kill him even if he missed earlier, he could've shoot Jeno again, and he would be dead by now. But something tells Jeno that Jaemin is in it to play with Jeno's emotions more. And until Jaemin finds entertainment in toying with him, that only serves Jeno more chances to remain alive and escape.  


What Jeno didn't expect to see when he got out of the bathroom, is Jaemin lying on the couch and panting hard. His stomach was exposed, and a white shirt is crumpled on the upper part of his body, pooled in blood. It was like a reflex, that Jeno dashes to him, taking his own shirt off to remove Jaemin's and to cover the large wound right below his shoulder. It wasn't that big, but bleeding enough that probably worn Jaemin out, almost lifelessly. "Wh--what happened to you?" Jeno asked with shaking hands, afraid that any pressure would only cause the wound to bleed even more.  


Jaemin didn't blurt out any incoherrent words like he expected, or didn't plead for his dear life to be rescued. Instead, there was a smirk on his face when he looks at Jeno saying, "You could've took advantage of that and escape. Too bad I got you again."  


A demon, indeed. Jeno swallowed the lump on his throat when he felt the barrel of gun pressed against his temple. Jaemin was right, he could've escaped but instead he came running to his aid. Maybe because Jeno didn't feel any trace of hesitance to save him. Because unlike Jaemin, Jeno has a heart. "If I did, you would've shot me." And it doesn't take a genius to know that.

  
Jaemin puts the gun down to his side, raising one hand to Jeno's face that had the other trembling. "How come did I miss? The bullet really messed up that pretty face of yours, doesn't it?"  


Jeno shudders when Jaemin traces the wound on his face with his fingers. So tender as if he wasn't Jaemin at all. "Let's take you to the hospital." Jeno suggested, afraid his heart couldn't take witnessing another death. His fury of revenge could be save for later.  


"Kid, it's just a cut. Nothing that could kill me. I'm going to die a horrible death." Jaemin mumbles out, lips turning white from the lost of blood. Jeno couldn't agree more and watched him stood up leisurely, palm pressed against his bleeding shoulder.  


If Jaemin is strong, he doesn't look like it. His physique wasn't of a muscular built. If anything, his thin frame resembles Jeno's bony one, except for the toned arms that's hidden on Jaemin's sleeves. To which explains how easy it is for him to manhandle Jeno when they're pretty much the same size. When Jaemin turns around, there was a long scar from his nape along his spine that looks like a stitched mark, similar to the two small ones on both sides of his back parallel to it.  


For awhile, Jeno was dumbfounded at the sight until Jaemin turns towards him, as if he felt the intense staring of Jeno that bores into his skin. Panicked as to how Jaemin would response to his prying, Jeno stepped back in fear, looking anywhere in the room but Jaemin's direction.  


"You're hungry, aren't you?"  


Only then Jeno starts to feel the churning on his stomach. He couldn't even last a period in class without chewing a gum or drinking water, and not eating for more than twenty four hours is setting a new record. Jeno only realized how naked he was in front of Jaemin, having no shirt on, when the latter gazes at him for tedious moment , waiting for an answer. Nodding, Jeno crosses his arms to his chest, as if it could cover anything.

  
To his action, Jaemin hisses a laugh. Grabbing Jeno in the arm who flinched in surprise, "Chill. Not gonna hurt you." He says, loosening his hand a bit, towing Jeno with him. "Unless you give me a reason to."

  
Considering the amount of hell he'd put him through, Jeno doesn't trust Jaemin on this. However it's not like he has another option than to oblige, reluctantly following Jaemin to his steps as he lead him to another room. Jeno closed his eyes for what was coming, earning a chuckle from Jaemin that made Jeno confused.

"It's the kitchen." Jaemin states, releasing Jeno's hand. He walks through the huge fridge in the middle of the room to get a pack of ice, placing it on his shoulder.  


Watching him, Jeno was the one who winces to how painful must it be. But Jaemin looks so nonchalant, and Jeno understood that he might be experienced with this kind of pain. Just what is Jaemin up to? He catches the sandwich paper bag Jaemin tossed at him, his wounded hands hurting at the coldness.  


"The microwave's on your left." Jaemin points to the blue tiled counter, a black microwave oven is lined along with the coffee maker. "Make coffee for yourself if you want. I'll be in my room."  


Jeno is hungry, and before Jaemin could change his mind on feeding him, he dashes to the oven. Opening the bag of sandwich and placing it inside to a low heat. It doesn't matter what the flavor is, as long as he eats, and as long as it doesn't have much mayonnaise. The hair on his nape rises when he felt Jaemin leaned in, whispering a warning Jeno knows he must obey, "Don't do anything stupid. You heard me."  


"Y---yes." Jeno steps away and nodded, facing him. His eyes travels along Jaemin's bloody arm that's resting on the counter, the position makes it look like he's cornering Jeno, which is most probably it. The amount of Jaemin's blood on his body makes Jeno wonder how come Jaemin isn't dead yet. "You...you're bleeding too much. You shouldn't be moving around."  


"Clean up everything when you're finished."  
  
  


  
When Jeno finishes in the kitchen, skin freezing from being shirtless for a long time, he ventured to the comfort room to find a towel, wrapping it on his small body. Looking at his appearance through the mirror terrifies him, certain that the wound on his face and the cut on his neck is going to leave a mark. And it's sickening to anticipate how much more of these is he going to take before everything is over.  


The spacious place suffocates Jeno. As though every movement of him is being watched and he knows Jaemin is just in one of the lines of these closed doors. He may be injured, but Jeno still fears his capability to subjugate him. Even when Jaemin's voice gives out an amiable air, his eyes are a climate of an impending threat. There was more to life than to be trapped in his demoralizing palms, hence, there must a reason why Jeno is here.  


Exhaustion and pain made Jeno oblivious to his surroundings, and he woke up with an aching neck. When Jeno opens his eyes to see Jaemin crouching in front of him, staring, he jolts backwards, his back hitting the hard wall in the process. "I-- I'm.."  


"What are you doing sleeping outside my room?" Jaemin questions, standing up.  


Jeno watches him with wide eyes, nails pressing on the hard floor. He looks around to discover he fell asleep with his back against the wall nearby one of the door, which now opened and could possibly be Jaemin's room. "I'm sorry I didn't---"  


"And don't go around the house shirtless, unless you're going to give it for my sustenance." Jaemin groans out, laughing a little when he noticed the way Jeno shudders from his words. There's a playful smirk on his face when he reached for his belt, adjusting the buckles.  


It's almost painful to swallow the lump in his throat to picture the idea, and Jeno swore Jaemin is the worst when he makes a move to stride away but Jaemin didn't let him,catching his wrist and shoving him to the wall. Jeno closes his eyes, heart racing out of his chest when Jaemin leans in. He’d seen all these happen on TV despite the gender. The hair on the nape of his neck rises when Jaemin moves closer, the sound of his breathing against Jeno's ears. "Say, can I?"

  
"Sto--p it." He murmurs, and he dares to shove Jaemin away but his confidence dies immediately when his palm touches Jaemin's bare chest, the image of him killing a man and beating Jeno up crippled his body. He could take pain and torture, but not the sort of degradation Jaemin is bullshitting him right now.

  
Enjoying the terrified helpless creature in front of him, Jaemin seizes Jeno's hand before he could withdraw it back. He straightens the younger's shaking palm, sliding Jeno's hand to his chest down to his toned abdomen and he let's out a lewd sound that had Jeno gaping at him in horror. "Eager to touch, I see. I take that as a yes."  


Detered, Jeno dares to squirm his wrist out of Jaemin's tight hold. The tears that threatens to fall makes his vision blurry, and Jaemin's face became faint. Jeno wishes he could disappear like this. The laughter that sooner erupts baffles him, and he sees Jaemin guffawing, freeing his wrist. He quivers at the harassment, because that wasn't one of Jaemin's trifling that he could stomach.  


"Dress up. You're coming with me." Jaemin sighs, receding to his room.

It maddens Jeno, and he wishes Jaemin could die from his hate without having to lay a finger on him. "Where are we going?" He irritatingly whispers.

  
"A resto. I hate eating alone."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
On the outside, Jaemin acts like nothing out of the ordinary, greeting everyone and flirting with every girls he meet on the street. He blends in perfectly with the society that his conduct is almost too convincing, if Jeno hadn't known that he has a gun under the bomber jacket he's wearing. Although he walks behind, he could feel the vigor of the glances Jaemin throws to his direction, keeping an eye to his target. One wrong move, he could kill Jeno right there and then. And if he takes drastic measures without a plan to outsmart Jaemin, it'll be the end of him.  


There's confidence by the way Jaemin had set Jeno free, in a way he's not grasping the younger anywhere, because Jaemin made a clear intention to not let Jeno get away. The young boy gives off a vibe of being sacrificial, a family loving, and would rather hurt than hurt others. So he'd stick to Jaemin's words to not do anything stupid, if he didn't want his family hurt.  


Among the places Jeno didn't expect they'd be going to is a hospital. Amidst the line of people waiting outside, Jaemin only had to signal the nurse at the corner and she let them inside the clinic an instant. The doctor was a tall young man, his hair a very light color of blonde. The nonchalant steady look on his face changes for a brief moment when he sends a questioning look on Jeno's direction, but Jaemin distracted the doctor quickly with a wail.  


"What happened to you?" The doctor asked Jaemin.  


In silence, Jeno watches as Jaemin pulls the gun from his behind, taking his jacket off along with his shirt. Perplexed, he searches for the look on the doctor's face that will show tremor once he sees the gun, but there was none. From there, Jeno got the message that they know each other. A doctor and a killer, the world is such a scary place to live in.  


"It's a small cut, Mark. You didn't have to call me here for emergency." Jaemin groans, refusing to lie down on the hospital bed like the doctor instructed him.  


"You could die from lost of blood," the doctor tells him, and puts a bandage on his wound that had Jaemin whimpering in pain. "And why do you have a pretty kid with you?"

  
On the usual, he gets flustered even on tiny bits of compliment. But not in this dubious situation. He wonders if Mark, the doctor, knows completely of Jaemin's errands. It seems he does, but doctors are supposed to save lives, why is he letting someone like Jaemin, who takes lives, walk around freely? He fiddled with his fingers, looking down on his lap and wonders if Mark is just the same as Jaemin. Or same like Jeno, trapped within Jaemin's palm.  


The doctor asked the question Jeno wanted to know all these time. When he looks up at them, just in time when Jaemin directed his gaze at him for a brief a moment. As through reading his mind, Jaemin pulled Mark to lean in and whispers something, an answer Jeno would want to hear but Jaemin will certainly repel for him to know. The demon, the cruelest.  


"I see. Nothing you'll regret in the future, I suppose?" Mark says out loud, leveling a syringe to inject on Jaemin's arm.

  
What could probably be the answer to the doctor's question that Jaemin denied Jeno of. The reason why he kept Jeno, an witness to his murder, alive. It was a gamble for Jaemin to keep him. Or perhaps, Jaemin is confident of his power that he could keep an antic, an impotent trinket, to pass his time with.  


When Jaemin's phone rang, he excuses himself to the clinics restroom, shooting Jeno a glance. It was his chance, so he runs to the doctor across from the room, keeping his voice quiet as ever. "Why--why is he keeping me? What should I do?"  


The profound, look of pity Mark sends him was enough for Jeno to comprehend his answer. The docfor placed a hand on his shoulder, for the stead of what he couldn't tell Jeno. Now it's clear that Mark isn't anyone like Jaemin, and instead, he's one of his chess pieces he can move whenever he wants to. He wasn't heartless like Jaemin, and he looks sorry at most. No more words were exchanged when the doctor steps back to rummage through his drawer, pulling out a bandage that he puts carefully on the wound on Jeno's face. Quickly, Jeno backs away from him when Jaemin emerges from the restroom.  


"You didn't tell him crap, didn't you? Mark?" There's a glower in Jaemin's face that he tries to hide in an instant, wrapping an arm around Jeno's shoulder, possesive.  


Right away, Jeno regrets his action, a desperate decision to yearn for sympathy. But there's calmness in the doctor's eyes, to let Jeno know that he isn't afraid of Jaemin when he says, "I didn't bother. I believe you've told him enough crap already."

  
Jaemin snorts a laugh, pulling Jeno closer. "Then, we'll go. Don't forget to send me an invitation, okay?"  


For the last time, Jeno takes a good look of the doctor's face and he saw the guilt of not being able to do anything. He may be out of Jaemin's sight, but conceivably, still on his radar.  
  
  
  


  
  
After leaving the hospital and riding a taxi, Jaemin takes him to an enormous restaurant. There aren't much customers and Jeno settled on the table Jaemin leads him to, before he takes their order. From his seat, he watches Jaemin talks to the man behind the counter. It was impossible to hear what they talk about from the distance, but Jaemin was laughing along with him. Jeno doubts Jaemin has full control of the whole place, unlike from the hospital, judging from the amount of customers with children that come and go.  


  
Sitting up straight when he sees Jaemin walking towards their table, he asks. "You hate eating alone?" If he could get Jaemin to talk by starting a chaff conversation, then he could ask serious matters later. It was his advantage to be on a place where Jaemin couldn't beat him up freely in front of the customers.  


"I lived my whole life alone, how could I hate eating alone? Who am I kidding?" Jaemin sputters with a laugh, eyes fixed on Jeno's fiddling hands on the table. Of course, it's just another one of his blarney, and Jeno is a fool for even believing.  


"Last year, we moved. But I have to stay here alone in Seoul for my studies." Jeno starts, reluctant whether or not he should continue with his tale telling that Jaemin is presumably had no interest in. But just maybe, if he insist, Jaemin might took pity of him, and scruple whatever plan he has for Jeno. "I hate it. Sleeping alone. Eating alone. I hate that I had to be alone."  


Unaware, Jeno hadn't realize he'd say it too fervently until he sees Jaemin is looking at him with wide, expectant eyes. He blinks back his tears, hurt that Jaemin might just laugh off at his anguish. To his surprise, Jaemin hummed in a soft tone, making Jeno look up at him. "When I was a kid, I've always had my sister with me. I was your age when I lost my parents, along with her."  


He didn't expect Jaemin would unfold anything about himself. Something so sensitive, and miserable, that could be the exact reason that triggers him to be the person that he is now. Jeno looks at Jaemin in a new light, mouthing an "I'm sorry."

  
"It's fine. It's not like they're any different from the people that die everyday. It doesn't matter." There was no emotion when Jaemin says this, and he fell on silence after.  


Certain, Jeno knows that Jaemin is lying. But he didn't oppose him. His disclosure had an effect on Jeno that he doesn't understand. Jaemin isn't a fiend from hell, and just like everyone else with a bad past, he needed help. Though, it's sickening that his resort to his agony is to kill people. Jaemin could've use the little that's left of his brain, to think, and to stop himself from doing anything that's morally wrong.  


The weight of the conversation restrained them to continue the talk. And in the next minute, a waiter approached their table to serve their food. It was too much for two people and Jeno wonders if they're expecting for anyone to arrive.  


"Renjun-ah." Jaemin called, reaching to the waiters back pocket to leave a tip. "You've worked hard today!"  


"Right, enjoy your meal. Sir!" The waiter smiled, bowing at the two of them and takes his leave.  


His habitual practice before and after he eats, and Jeno did a sign of a cross when Jaemin commented."You're praying, don't make me laugh."  


"I wanna thank him, that I'm not dead yet." He retorts, serious. Even when Jaemin already warned him not to speak of the subject. Apparently, he got accustomed to saying it freely, so Jaemin could fathom his immense fear of his current position in his hands. Maybe if he hears much of Jeno's will to live, he'll get spared. All he want is for Jaemin to let him go. Practically, yes, he's begging for mercy.  


"Shouldn't you thank me?" Jaemin narrows his eyes at him.  


It's clear Jaemin wasn't talking about the fopd."Do the people here know what you do?" Jeno ask. Aware that his inquisitiveness got out of hand another time. If Jaemin's face would change after his question, then he'll need to prepare himself once they're back to Jaemin's unit, that is, if he could still make it back there. Has he gotten way too accustomed to the thought of dying?

  
"Yeah, at the back of this resto is a bar. They have hot hookers, wanna try?" There's a glint of playfulness on Jaemin's eyes when he says this.

  
"T---that's not what I mean! You pervert" Jeno scowled at him, flustered. He looks down and away from him.

  
Laughing, Jaemin sips on the straw of his drink, aloud. "Alright, Mr. Prude."  


"Then what about...the doctor? He knows, right?" At this question, Jaemin crosses his arms.  


"Mark? He hates it."  


Jeno had the urge to smack Jaemin in the head and yell who the heck else other than Jaemin's own crazy head loves killing. But in the calmest voice, he says, "I hate it." His opinion may not matter much. But he wants Jaemin to know.  


"I, too, hated it. But I learned to like it."  


Swallowing the lump on his throat, he asks Jaemin, "Why?"  


"It's satisfying."  


There's something about the way Jaemin speaks, authoritative and confident, that he uses as his defense mechanism. His outward manner makes him tough and uncompromising, but Jeno can tell that Jaemin is just another broken soul that needs to be saved.

  
They ate in silence, and Jeno finishes almost all of his food. When he thought he'd lost his appetite after witnessing a murder, overthinking made him hungry. Before they exit the building, Jaemin covers his face with a mask, typing something on his phone that Jeno guesses another business related.  


"Alright, time for work." Jaemin says, yawning once they're outside.  


"What...Do you mean time for work?" Jeno asks, nervous. He knew--- could only mean one thing.  


"It's difficult moving around here. There are at least nineteen CCTV cameras in this ward. But I had it taken care of." Jaemin brags, winking at him.  


"What are you going to do?" He knows.  


Jaemin leans in, one hand resting on Jeno's shoulder and the other pointing at a boutique across the street. "See that man with his rabbit over there,"  


Squinting, he sees a man through the glass mirror. He's dress up in brown suit, talking to a little girl holding a stuff toy. What's going to happen to this man is most likely the exact thing that happened to what he witnessed before.  


"Looks ideal. For now."  


"What are you saying? You're scaring me." Jeno glowers at him, stepping back.  


"Exactly what you're thinking." Jaemin whispers.  


"Oh my god, Jaemin." Jeno quivers when Jaemin place a hand on to his nape to tickle him.  


"Oh your god, Jeno." Jaemin mocks, cackling. When his phone buzzes, he dragged Jeno to the alley before answering. "Yeah, betting all my good looks, that old boogey knows my face. I'm sending someone in."  


Jeno shivers, when Jaemin side eyes him. He can't be serious about using Jeno for his crimes. "Please, let me go home. I don't wanna be a part in any of these. Please.” He pleads, but Jaemin clasp his mouth.  


"I'm going to blow his head, or yours?" Jaemin whispers against his ears, the proximity sends shivers down Jeno's spine. "I'm only on a lookout today. Boring as fuck. This is why I hate being injured. All you have to do is go inside that store and check how many people are in there, then come back here."

  
Jeno fell silent, mind going black from the weight of Jaemin's demand. There's no way he can be responsible for anyone's death. But Jeno is aware that he can't oppose him, if he still want to live, and if he doesn't want anything to happen to his family. An irredeemable state where there's only one choice but to oblige. Jaemin sticks something on his back pocket, tapping him on behind to urge him to move.  


Lightheadedly, he crosses the street, almost bumping in to a car and with that, he could hear Jaemin glowering at him from a distance. Jeno freezes when he enters the store, not because of the airconditioning, but because the little girl from earlier greeted him with a smile. He wanders inside the boutique and found a fridge with energy drinks displayed, taking a bottle of Monster as tears start to pour down his eyes. When he moves to the counter, the man greets him with the same warm expression.  


"Something the matter?" The man ask and takes his payment. He offered Jeno a genuine smile as if he already knows.  


"Its...nothing. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Jeno sobs, apologizing while he can, looking away from the little girl. He takes his change, and leaves the store as fast as he can.  


Jaemin is still there, standing and waiting for him. When he sees Jeno approaching and staggering towards him, he pulled him to the wall.  


"It's just them. The little lady, and the old man." Jeno answers before Jaemin could even ask him. He doesn't know what lie could make Jaemin and his men to recede----if there are more than two people inside the botique, will they withdraw? But as selfish as it might sound, he'll be honest, what's safe for him and his family.  


Humming in response, Jaemin typed something on his phone, hauling Jeno away from the place with him. It only took one glance for Jeno to compose himself and stand straight, their previous position must've been a tiny bit suspicious since some people start to look at them.

  
"Jaemin, don't tell me...even the child.." Jeno asked once they were away from the public, but couldn't put it to words.

  
"It's her fate to die early. Not that it's important." Jaemin declares.  


"But, who are you to decide that?” He unconsciously mutters. Stomach churning from the thought of people dying under his knowledge.  


"You gonna lecture me about your God again?" Jaemin halts on his step, turning around to look at Jeno. "You wouldn't like it when I'm pissed off. Would you?"  


There's a look on Jaemin's face that Jeno decides it’s the time to shut his mouth.  
  
  
  
  


"Jeno, do you hate me?"  


Startled at the interruption of his thoughts, and the question alone, Jeno turns to Jaemin who's looking at him with expectant eyes. He can't be anticipating an answer to that, because looking at the situation, the answer is plain obvious. Even if hate is a strong word.

  
"It was my sixteenth birthday, when a group of men hidden under black cape, broke in to our house. My mother was shoot in the head. Three times. My father, they hanged him to death, and burned my sister alive along with him. I've seen everything. But I was too weak. I couldn't do anything for them at all. They tried killing me too. They tied me up and stabbed my back with your god knows what." Jaemin hisses, a bottle of beer clanks against the window and Jeno figures it's the reason for Jaemin's revelation. There's an expression on Jaemin's face that he couldn't decipher, whether it was anger or pain. Because even if Jaemin was hurt, he is strong enough to conceal it. "Back then, I'd wish they'd kill me. But then I realized that's just weakness, to give up and die, that's weakness. Someone came to save me, and because of him, boss, I got my revenge."  


"Who... were those people?"  


"They're my parents' business partners. I've seen them enough that it wasn't difficult to find them and get my revenge for what they've done to my family. It was quite rewarding, somehow." Jaemin smiles despite the mourning. No one could possibly be that strong, or indifferent. Except, Jaemin must've been too hurt to convince himself that it didn't matter, that's why he can manage to mask his pain until now. "In return, it became a path that I couldn't escape. I'm going to kill people to my last breath.”

  
"No... That's a choice for you to make!" He disagrees, about to place a hand on his but retracts immediately when he realised it was Jaemin.  


"The moment I hesitate, is the moment I'll be dead. I will never be forgiven." Jaemin says, looking up.

Was it God he's spoken to?

  
"That's not true! Everyone deserves to be forgiven, no matter how wrong you are. He will understand you." Jeno reasons. It's a world full of reasons, and nothing in the world didn't make sense.

  
"If he's so nice and perfect like what you're telling me, in the first place, he needs shouldn't have let these happen."  
  
  
  
  
Jeno opens his eyes, an unusual comfort in his back because this time, he wasn't lying on the hard floor. It was a huge bed that smells like flowers and when he looks to his left, Jaemin was sitting by the window with a book in hand.  


"Where am I?" He still asked, though certain he's in the other's room. Sitting up, Jeno finds a white drawer desk beside the bed with a lamp; no picture frames or figurines to decorate it. Apart from that, there's nothing else inside the white room. If it wasn't for the two tall shelves crammed with books arranged by colors, it's almost empty.  


"My room." Jaemin confirms, closing the book to look at him. He wasn't wearing any shirt and Jeno noticed the bandage on his shoulder was replaced by another.

"What hap---what happened?" Jeno looks at Jaemin who's walking towards the bed. He couldn't grasp as to why he'd be sleeping on Jaemin's bed, the memory from last night is still a blur.

  
"I don't drink my ass, you downed all the bottle of whiskey I left in your room last night." Jaemin playfully hits Jeno's head with a book that he place on top of his desk.

  
Unimpressed by the piece of information, Jeno disappoints himself. He thought if he drinks the bottle, he'll forget his frustrations even for a moment. The image of the old man and the young lady never leaving his head last night, it’s haunting him that he needed a distraction. He scoots back when Jaemin sat on the bed, back facing him. "How did I....get here?"  


"Don't worry, though. I didn't touch you or anything. Not the touch that you probably wanted, at least." Jaemin chuckles when he saw Jeno's flustered face.

Ignoring one of Jaemin's dirty joke he'll never get used to, he remembers their talk from last night. What happened to Jaemin and his family that the latter probably wasn't even conscious that he'd told him. “Jaemin....thank you."

  
"For what? That I held you a hostage? For keeping you alive?" Jaemin queries with a loud sigh. "For the whiskey?"

For trusting me, he wants to say but chose not to knowing that it will make Jaemin feel uneasy. It's probably a secret, and his babble from last night could only be caused by the liquor. Jeno would be pretending he knew nothing until Jaemin talks about it again.  
  
  
  
That afternoon, Jaemin left Jeno alone in his room and he didn't come back. He waits for him at the settee, restless and riled up by the commotions in his head. It wasn't a chance to escape, presumably, he's on watch by Jaemin's inferiors. In the first place, he wouldn't leave Jeno if he knew that the younger had any capability to escape. Jaemin may not be around, yet it's not just him that's trapping Jeno, but his own weaknesses too. Even if he can leave now and ask for a help outside, Jaemin would still be able to find him, and worse, go after his family.  


The loud clicking from the door awokens Jeno, and he's met with two people covered in dark mantle entering the room. He figures it was the doctor, Mark, carrying a lifeless Jaemin on his arms, blood all over his face and neck. Mark had to cover themselves with a mantle to hide Jaemin's condition.  


"Oh my God--- Jaemin. I... I told you...to stop." He croaks, dashing towards them but Mark stops him.  


"He's alive. It's fine."  


"Is...Is he really." Jeno mutters almost inaudible, and watches them disappears to Jaemin's room.  


  
The door was locked, and Jeno sits outside, waiting. The image of Jaemin breathless and drenched in blood horrifies him. When it should be his last chance to end this, because if Jaemin is dead, then Jeno will be freed. Except, he doesn't feel victorious. His mind tells him that someone so broken like Jaemin doesn't deserve to die, until he's able to live, like a normal human being that isn't tied of ill strings. He wishes the doctor wasn't lying when the doctor said he's still alive.  


He sits tight, divided between remaining on his position or knocking inside. Mark may be an efficient doctor, but if he comes there empty handed, it will still be preferable to take Jaemin to the hospital. It's annoying to just wait and to not be able to do anything, he stood up and about to knock until he hears someone speaks.  


"That kid. Are you sure he had nothing to do with you fucking things up? If he wakes your conscience, just let him go, Jaemin. Unless you're eager to die."  


Mark speaks in a low tone.  


"The only reason I'm fucking things up is because you're breaking my fucking heart. And you're still putting the blame on someone else?!"  


Finally, it was Jaemin's voice, cracked and damaged. He couldn't grasp the meaning of his words, what the two could possibly be talking about, but he steps back immediately when he hears the knob opening.  


"Wh--what happened?" Jeno weakens when Mark looks at him. A wary stare that tells Jeno he probably heard something he shouldn't have.  


"I was certain on killing him this time." Mark mutters, a blinding, sad smile paints on his lips. "So I could escape from him. So you could escape from him. But I realized, he's someone important to me, too."  


If Jaemin was difficult to comprehend, so was Mark. The blood accumulate on his veins, because Mark sounds like someone he should be fearing to. He expects the doctor to save him, but perhaps he's just as incapable as Jeno is.  


"Just...what are you to Jaemin?" Jeno managed to ask. Curiosity led him to asking, and it came out to loud that had the two of them catching each other's eyes.  


Instead of answering, Mark gazes at him, as if daring him to look away. Jeno recognized this as something empty, or something that isn't good. As though he's conceding of wanting to--- certain to killing Jaemin was a truth he wants Jeno to comprehend. But Jeno couldn't, not when Mark came his rescue, revived him, and saved him.  


He bowed his head before the doctor takes his leave, mouthing an apology for his stupid question. Fidgetty, he enters Jaemin's room, even when he wasn't welcomed in. And he was there, under the white sheets, dressed in bandages and the smell of blood emerging the air in the room. Carefully, he takes a seat on the desk chair beside the bed. Certain that Jaemin is completely aware of his presence, despite his eyes closed and his incapable state.  


Suddenly, he remembered what Jaemin tells him the first day they met: "Death is beautiful." As though his borrowed life, his second chance to live, wasn't any shot he'd choose over anything. That he's someone so unforgivable, detrimental, that shouldn't have been allowed to continue to live. Something tells Jeno that Jaemin didn't want to die, and searches for an answer. Jaemin had witnessed deaths thousands of times, and even caused hundreds of them, and inevitably might have bring him to the vast hole to the darkness of his past. But despite it all, Jaemin is still strong. While Jeno, witnessing only one death, terrorized the composure that's left of his body.  


"Deep in thoughts, are we?"  


Startled of Jaemin speaking with one eye opened that he closed again. Jaemin breathed a sigh, was it relief that he's still alive? Or was it a human nature act whenever they are tired? There's so much to look into it, and it makes Jeno believe that Jaemin isn't someone empty. In fact, he was brimming of emotions and reasons sealed in a room even himself couldn't comprehend. That even entering inside his head would make it ever more comprehensible.  


"Tomorrow, Mark is marrying a girl he loves." Jaemin starts, grumbling as pain shoots all over his body. Definitely not from the wounds, if Jeno had to guess.

  
There was no need to further that out, by the way Jaemin has said it is clearly understandable. He was hurting, and spelling it out even more wouldn't make any sense because it's not going to change anything. Mark is marrying a girl he loves, someone else, when Jaemin wishes that someone else would be him.

  
Even if Jeno could appease on that by saying Mark said Jaemin is important to him, it wouldn't placate Jaemin. Regardless, Jeno still say it, "You are important to him."  


A humorless smirk on curves on Jaemin's lips, "Of course, I'd be. He'll never forget the person who killed his mother.”

  
Given the amount of knowledge regarding the murders he'd known about Jaemin, it still surprises him. Was Jaemin incited to do it out of jealousy, or something else? Jeno closes his eyes, wishing it was the latter, though none of both can be appeasing because killing is wrong. But Jaemin isn't wrong, he was taught of the wrong.   


Regardless of the questions in his head, Jeno didn't want to dig in to that topic, so he says, "And I think that...important...is just a safer word for love. Not anyone can be important to someone, and you, you matter to him. And it's a place anyone would want to be for someone they love--"  


"Say," Jaemin interrupts, a simper on his face when he looks up at him. "She doesn't like you back? You're in some tragic teenage angst brigade?"  


When in fact Jeno is, he wouldn't admit it. For two shattered people to talk about it together, how sorry can He be.  


"So am I important to you, then?"  


Taken aback by the question, he catches Jaemin's apathetic gaze that shoots to him. It was apparent that he didn't need an answer, and might laugh it off whatever Jeno's answer might be. "I don't....no."  


Jaemin nods in understanding, closing his eyes. So impassive. A person who only endures and accept what's given to him. That is Jaemin, that's why Jeno thinks he's important.  


"You got shot?" Jeno asks him. It seems Jaemin only closed his eyes to discuss the topic, not to get some rest.  


Jaemin grunts, pulling the covers down to his hips. His naked upper torso, wounded and swollen, exposed to the cold. "The target’s son had to fucking hit me with a baseball bat."  


Jeno swallows, that certainly hurts.  


"And Mark came to shoot them both. He gets all the merits. How annoying.” 

  
"He kills...too?" Jeno asked out loud. He can only imagine how painful it must be for Mark to witness the girl he loves dying in Jaemin’s hands. His hesitations, his conscience, his pain. He wonder how hurt Mark he js right now. 

  
Jaemin snorts a laugh. "What do you know?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
After that conversation with Jaemin, Jeno sees Mark in another angle. It's been three days since Jaemin was hit, and though Jeno hadn't seen the wound, he supposes it was bad looking at the damage. Jaemin remains in his room, lying on his bed, and odd since he never calls Jeno for help unless the younger volunteers to bring him food or water on his own will which he always make sure to do so. The doctor visits everyday to check on Jaemin and clean his wound, and Jeno opts to leave Jaemin's room whenever he's around. Afraid, maybe. It's a contemptible judgment that he'd become more terrified of Mark than he is of Jaemin. When he'd usually insist to stay in Jaemin's room to watch over him, "In case you need something.", he always says.  


"It scarred. Your face."

  
In the settee, Jeno was startled when Jaemin sat beside him. He wasn't watching T.V, knowing he had no authority on doing that, until Jaemin switched it on. He was about to doze off staring on the floor but his concern alters to the person beside him, "You're able to stand."

  
"I said your face, it scarred." Jaemin enunciates.  


Jeno reached out to his cheek, the scabs were already gone when he showered today and he noticed the dark mark on it. The wound he receieved when Jaemin shoot him--- whether he intend to and missed, or he didn't, Jeno is still unsure.  


"I ordered an ointment for that. Don't wanna be responsible for running that pretty face.  


Jaemin is talking weird, probably from the pain reliever Mark injected him awhile back. But Jeno nodded nonetheless. "So that sort of thing...healed you." Jeno comments out of the blue.

  
Amused, Jaemin laughed, completely aware of what Jeno pertains to. Last night, he invited someone over to his room. And since he doesn't know how to hold back, the sound was probably obscene in the room that Jeno had to hear. But he could laugh at Jeno's horrified expression when this morning, bringing a breakfast to his room, Jeno dropped the tray when he sees a naked woman on Jaemin's bed. "Stop acting like a virgin. Wait...don't tell me." More laughter erupts.  


Red on the face, Jeno hugs his knees, avoiding his gaze. He'd protest that he's too young to discuss any of that, but aware that it'll only cause Jaemin to laugh at him even more.  


"Wanna give it a shot?"  


Jeno chides at him, because Jaemin still wouldn't drop the topic. "Stop it. Stop treating girls like some plaything!"  


"Who says girls? You can try it with me." Jaemin smirks when he sees Jeno clenching his fist.  


Jeno shudders when Jaemin leans in to lick his closed lip. Heart hammering right out of his chest when Jaemin probes his tongue in, licking his upper teeth and and sucks his tongue in the process. He gasp when Jaemin pulls away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as if it could erase what happened. His first kiss, if it's not important to Jaemin, then it is to Jeno. "Please...don't do anything like that again." He stammers.  


"If you say so."  
  
  


  
Jeno doesn't fucking know how Jaemin managed to pass the night yesterday, bringing home three girls with him. Jaemin was a lot better a week later from his accident and he thought Jaemin was back to work yesterday when he's just actually out the whole day having the time of his life.  


The next morning, in the kitchen, Jeno busies himself preparing food. He runs there from the settee, where he sleeps, when he hears Jaemin's door opened and chatters of girls he figures about to take their exit. Ever since that incident...... Jaemin had been inviting girls to his room and..  


"Hey."

  
"If you're in love with Mark, why do you do it with girls?"

  
"Doesn't matter who I do it with. As long as I'm enjoying it. Why do you seem interested?"  


Jeno would say he isn't, if the sound of Jaemin banging someone in his room didn’t made him uncomfortable down there. All he wishes was that, Jaemin never kissed him that day. It's curiousity, not interest, he'd insist, but he doesn't feel like doing so. He doesn't feel like protesting either when Jaemin snakes a hand on his waist, kissing him full on the lips. It's part of his curiosity, Jeno likes to believe, when he kisses back and grabs Jaemin's neck, pulled him down to deepen the kiss. He tries to supress his moan when Jaemin's tongue rung along his bottom lip, heart thumping loud when Jaemin grabs the back of his hair to tilt his head and applies more pressure against his tongue.  


It was intoxicating, even Jaemin's soft lips and masterful tongue. And Jeno didn't mind getting kissed by him again after this. The thought alone had Jeno biting on Jaemin's bottom lip.  


"Shit. Shit." Jaemin groans against his mouth, pulling away and retracting his arms that he wrapped around the younger.  


"I'm sorry." Jeno whispers, couldn't take his eyes off of Jaemin's red lip he knows his own doing.  


"I'm not fucking a minor." Jaemin snorts turning around to the table to continue making the coffee he'd let off.

  
"Is it more immoral than killing them?"  


Jaemin scoffed, tapping his fingers on the counter. "You're really impossible, kid."  


Little did Jeno expects that their last affair would result to grow a distance between them--- or presumably Jaemin avoiding him. Which is a very bad case of homophobia, he reckons. Honestly Jeno wouldn't dare to kiss Jaemin ever again. What happened a week ago was just an outcome of his overt thinking and depression and Jaemin bringing home girls that affected Jeno's hormones on the /slightest/. Jeno doesn't even like boys, or specifically a person who kills people for money. Once he's out of his grasp, if ever he can make it out alive ,Jeno is going to be admitted to the uni where the lady that he likes studies. 

Jaemin comes back at midnight and Jeno will find his clothes drenched with blood, not his, but the person he'd kill. That's how his life goes, watching the aftermath of Jaemin after he demonized his targets. For some reason Jaemin stopped talking to him, and it's asphyxiating to breathe the same air within closed barricades with someone like Jaemin. "Don't ever come in my room." Is the most Jaemin had say to him the last week.  


  
  
  
It's important to be strong on his difficult situation, where the assurance of living the next day or seeing his family is a vague chance. But God wouldn't abandon him, he's certain. God will save Jeno if no one else can.  
  
  


  
  
For the second time, Jaemin takes him outside. There's a discouraging weight on his shoulders, as if something bad is going to occur, and Jeno feels like the air isn't free for him to breathe. He supposes it's going to be like the last time, when Jaemin needed a back up to do his job for him. But unlike that day, Jaemin isn't wounded and he's taken them to a church where there aren't anyone around so the instance that Jeno will see him, eye to eye, killing someone is least anticipated. Or rather, this is the place where he gets killed.  


Entering the huge hall, Jeno walks ahead of Jaemin, making his way to the altar in the front without worrying if Jaemin will scold him. He kneeled to it, clasping his hands together and making his prayers inside his head louder, so he wouldn't hear Jaemin's business of being on the phone.  


"Do you often here?"  


Jeno didn't expect it when Jaemin placed a hand on his shoulder. He looks up at him, Jaemin's eyes were filled of emotions he couldn't understand, was he scared or sorry? Being on a sacred place like this. When a person like Jaemin, who's vocal on calling himself the devil.  


"Is this where you're going to do your job? Or me, in particular?" Jeno ask afterall. Crazy idea or not, Jaemin is a person so sadistic and cruel that he'd be disposed of doing it. But this time, Jeno isn't afraid. It's as if he was ready to however it will turn out, and him dying isn't a reason to be afraid anymore. Maybe because of this place, so holy and serene that makes him remember of good memories. This is the place where his mother and father vows to each other, the place where Jeno was baptized, the place Jeno always comes to whenever he feels sad and just the air alone could calm him.  


"I don't think I'm afraid to die, Jaemin. If I had think differently some time ago, not now. If this means you'll let my family live, then that's fine with me. As long as you keep them out of this, that's fine with me." Jeno offers Jaemin a sad smile. Though aware of his intention, Jeno couldn't get himself to hate Jaemin. "But still, it's not a decision for me to make. So I hope, by the time you kill me, you will leave them alone . That's all I ask of you.”  


Jeno anticipates Jaemin wouldn't say anything. Nor he won't be moved or feel any guiltier at all in this. Besides, Jeno isn't important, in fact he's just one of Jaemin's victims who can't fend for themselves, and has no match to Jaemin's ability of dragging people to hell he tells Jeno he'd be sent to once he's dead. Jeno tells him it didn't exist, but Jaemin will always counter that it does, a place where Jaemin belongs because the skies is just a whole goddamn lie.  


"You didn't kill me right away, and I guess that only means even a person like you could hesitate. Jaemin, you aren't evil like you believe. There's always a chance for you to change."

"Shut up. Whatever you're saying, child." Jaemin snides, scowling at him in a very neutral expression as though nothing of what Jeno said had he hear. "We're here because Mark's marriage was moved today. But I guess it wasn't."  


Jeno stood up to look at him, confused when Jaemin was guffawing. "What do you mean it's moved today?"  


"He lied." Jaemin grins at him, his eyes expressionless. "Look around you, there's no one inside this church."

  
So he does, and it's been empty since they got here. What could that supposed to mean to Jaemin? He stepped back, spooked of Jaemin's maniacal smirk.  


"How can a church be empty on a Sunday, Jeno? And you see, behind those altars are---"  


Jeno stepped back further when Jaemin reached out to his arms and shoved him to the side, but then a loud bang rings through his ears, followed by another. All too fast, and the next thing he sees is Jaemin lying on the floor. "Stop! Stop!" He shouts to no one in particular, running towards him.  


There were loud footsteps and number policemen dressed in black enters the door, guns still aimed at Jaemin. Many more of them emerged from behind the statues and Jeno feels blinded by the weapons they possessed to annihilate a devoid Jaemin on the floor.

  
"I really don't intend on killing you...." Jaemin coughs, hands weakly grasping on Jeno's shirt. Another gun shot erupts and Jaemin looks up at Jeno, more blood escaping his lips. "After having you.... with me for awhile, I realized...."  


"Get away from the target!" Someone shouts but what Jeno clearly heard is one more shot and Jaemin grunts in pain.  


This time, Jaemin's face hits the ground, too powerless to even lift his head up. "...it’s not that bad to have you around. So I thought, why not, I could keep you."  


It's right this time, when Jeno wishes Jaemin could fight. The time he hopes Jaemin could reach to his back and pull his gun out to kill everyone that brings him down to this state. Where he could unleash all of his anger towards the people, the world, or God, to save himself. Because he knows if it was the other away around, and they didn't take him by surprise, Jaemin could turn tables and fight for his dear life.  


"Jeno!"

  
Jeno turns around and sees his parents and sister running to him, a cop pulling him away from Jaemin. He tries to reach for his hand, but his sister pulled him back when he embraced him on her arms, along with his parents. He could only make out their sobs of how much they miss and love Jeno, but he's too struck to watch Jaemin's body surrounded by the cops.  
  
  
  


  
"There's nothing to be afraid of, you can speak." The detective tells him, for the umpteenth time. Followed by her reassuring Jeno that he's safe, he's free, and no one can hurt him anymore. But Jeno couldn't get himself to speak.  


His parents will be outside the interview room, waiting for him. It's not the first time that Jeno wouldn't spill what he knew. He was even sent to counseling, thinking Jeno was traumatized, when in fact it's just his decision to keep silent.  
  


  
Contrary to what he'd believe, that everything will be over once he makes it back alive to his family, Jeno feels hollow. It's been a week since he's back to his home, and they treat him like a child who's just starting to learn how to walk and talk. "Please, let me go out today. I need air to breathe." He renounces, that had his mother crying, as if she lost the Jeno he she knew despite having him near. "I'll be safe, I promise." He reassures and embrace her on his arms.  


Jeno doesn't know what's got in his head when he makes his way to the the through the hospital ward. Jaemin is in the bed, tubes connecting to his body and on his left was a life support. He isn't wearing black like he usually does, but a hospital gown with his eyes closed. Jeno is certain that he isn't going to die, or so the doctors wouldn't let him die. A line of justice awaits him, and he knows after this, Jaemin wouldn't be treated nicely at all. He will be interrogated, tortured, and maybe killed once he spill out everything.  


Jeno is not someone to decide anyone's fate, but wouldn't it be better for Jaemin to die without having to face those policemen? The angry family and friends of the people he'd killed? Shaking the thought of his head, he sat on a chair, eyes travelling to Jaemin's figure on the bed. This isn't the Jaemin he knows. The Jaemin he knows would be chaffing around even if he's shot on the chest right above his heart, of even if he's been hit by a hammer on the head.

  
"Jaemin, wake up." He whispers, fingers nervously running along Jaemin's cold palm. "Hey, you still haven't killed me yet. And maybe you'd want to kiss me again, because I sure would like that."  


His heart aches, eyes roaming around Jaemin's lifeless form. He leaned in to kiss Jaemin's forehead, carefully, and gentle. Jaemin's skin feels so cold against his lips that it's almost as if he's talking to a dead. "There, that should make you angry. Why don't you get up and scold me?"  


It's stupid to wait, and Jeno knows there won't be any response. But Jeno will wait for him.  


Dear God, Jeno prays. He didn't want him to die, until he finds an answer as to why he was allowed to live not only a second time, but a thousand more. So Jaemin will have a meaning for his life, without believing that he was evil,unwanted. Because he is something more. There must be something more for him to understand.

  
For some reason, Jeno doesn't feel happy. Although he's rest assured what the policemen said wasn't a lie and that they'll guard Jeno and his family for as long as they can, because back then it's all Jeno could ever ask for. But with Jaemin in the hospital bed, barely breathing, it doesn't feel right. One thing Jeno isn't certain about is that, if Jaemin is going to take all this against him once he wakes. He remembers what Jaemin tells him, the reason they went to the church where he was cornered, Mark lied about his marriage to trap Jaemin.  


That's why when Jeno got out of the hospital room and sees Mark standing by the hallway, leaning down on the floor as if he's thinking of something, he sprints towards him.  


"Mark, why did you do that? You almost get him killed!" Jeno tries not to shout, though it came out louder and some of the nurses looked at him.  


For the moment, Mark looks skeptic. Like his eyes are unable to believe that Jeno was there. "Shouldn't you be... thanking me? I freed you."  


Meanwhile, Jeno gazes at him in disbelief. Incredulous that it was what the doctor is thinking all along. "You want me to thank you that Jaemin is almost dying?" Jeno questions, gesturing his hand to the door on Jaemin's room.  


"Listen, the most you can do to save yourself is to get away from him and---"  


"Why did you do that, doctor? You know he loves you and you said he's important to you....so why?" Jeno whispers, and feels the sting of tears in his eyes. He doesn't care if Mark would ask why he's deeply affected, because Jeno knows he has an answer to that, even if he's still unsure.  


"Jeno, you're a smart kid." Mark begins, standing up straight. As if what he's about to say is important, so Jeno listens carefully. "If I want him dead, I would've killed him myself long time ago. But unless he's caught, he wouldn't stop. And I want him to stop. Even you want him to stop."  


Reckoning about what's been said, Jeno nods in understanding. It's true, Jaemin wouldn't give in and stop from his rage until he's restrained. With the presence of the cops, that is, or if he's behind bars, otherwise Jaemin is still going to fight and Mark is going to regret this decision.  


"How's your case doing?" It's not surprising for Mark to ask, he's worried of Jaemin after all.  


With that, Jeno wonders if Mark is going to disposed of him once he finds out if he spilled everything to the police. "No. I can't do that to him." He answers. The only thing Jeno admit to is when the detective asked if Jaemin held him a hostage, to which he only nodded. It's strange, because he remembers wishing Jaemin would suffer the same ways he did to his victims, yet now Jeno couldn't get himself to wrong him. "Doctor... something happened, right? That's why you decided to do this all of a sudden. It's not about freeing me..?"

  
The way Mark looks at him makes Jeno realize that he's right on the mark. The doctor's attachment to Jaemin plausible, considering the number of times he'd save Jaemin even at his worse. But for him to suddenly turn him over to the police, it's not a random decision that just came out of nowhere. Mark could've done it long time ago, and Jeno is certain he's not the first hostage Jaemin took, so something might've triggered him to settle it.  


An uncomfortable expression sits on the doctor's face when he tells Jeno, "She's....pregrant.... If my fiance had to die, I don't think I'll be able to forgive him. And I don't want to not be able to forgive him."

  
A deep reason, was it. He remembers what Jaemin had told him before--- that he's only important to Mark because of his mistakes, something the doctor wouldn't be able to forget. Jaemin probably attempted to do it again, or Mark is afraid that he'd do it again. But even that, Mark doesn't loath him. You're really important to him, Jeno will tell Jaemin once he wakes up.  
  
  


  
Something tells Jeno something different is going to happen today. Yesterday was his final interview with the detective, "He took me to his house. He feed me. The wounds, I got them from falling off a chair trying to escape. I'm sorry, but that’s all I know. I’m an empty room the whole time.” Being his final statement. Jeno isn't disposed to lying, so of course they were skeptic and he can't convince them. But they can't do anything to force him to speak either, because Jeno is just another victim.

  
It's been a month since he's back to school. God had heard him. God listens to his wishes. The noises tells Jeno today will be the day, and when he hears the very familiar voice, he rushed in through the door of the room and he sees Jaemin, face slacked to finding him there. Today was different, because unlike the usual where Jeno sees him plastered on the bed unmoving, Jaemin is on a sitting position, cussing out loud.  


"Don't tell me you...."  


Come to visit me everyday, his face says. Beaming wide, Jeno strides to him and sit on the chair carefully, scared of hurting Jaemin's really thin figure if he ever ends up being clumsy on his enthusiasm. "Mark comes here everyday, too." He says, the last word being the confirmation of Jaemin's conjecture.

  
"Mark, that fucker." Jaemin grunts.  


Jeno's heart sank when the blanket that covers up to Jaemin's chest fell down, exposing his hands that were cuffed.  


"I'm going to kill him." Jaemin promises.  


"Jaemin.... what's going to happen after this?" He ask, pursing his lips.

  
Is it the time where Jaemin pays for his sins? God, does he have to?

  
"Are you stupid?" Jaemin chides at him, incredulous. His usual irritated face showing, Jeno had missed the most. "I'm going to jail, what else?"  


"Can I visit you when you're in there?" Jeno bit his lip.  


"You're so fucking incredible." Jaemin scowls. He'd always been impatient.

  
"Can I?" He asked again. Because he won't take Jaemin's no for a no, and it's not going to stop him.  


"Fucking shitty brat." Jaemin cusses, looking away.  


"Please, Jaemin." He pleads.  


"If they accuse you of having to do with me, that's going to be your problem." Jaemin scolds and looks at Jeno. His eyes were filled with emotions Jeno doesn't understand, but he wants to.

  
So that was his concern a long? A smile crept up on Jeno's face, madly blushing. "That's a yes?"  


"Fuck off, child." Jaemin warns him. But his voice gives off a vibe that he didn't mean it.  


"I miss you." Jeno admits.  


"What the fuck?"

  
"Kiss me."

  
If it was possible for Jaemin's big eyes to grew even larger when Jeno leaned in to catch his lips. It's as though Jaemin wanted it too, because he grab the collar of Jeno's shirt with his cuff hands to pull him closer, kissing him like he meant it.

  


**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for yutae before too and I haven’t finished ch2 of my nomin bestfriends au fic yet :(


End file.
